Hello, and welcome to the Will Preach for Food podcast. I’m Doug, a pastor here at Faith Lutheran Church, based out of Shelton, Washington, a congregation of the ELCA. “Great Expectations” is this week’s podcast title. That “EHR” you see in parens stands for “Emotionally Healthy Relationships.” This Fall Faith Lutheran is leaning into our congregation’s vision and dream to become “closer to and more like Jesus.” Today’s message is the second in an eight-week preaching, devotional, and small group series based on the work of Pete and Geri Scazzero.
You can learn more about Faith and about Emotionally Healthy Relationships at our website, www.faithshelton.org. Thanks for listening today.
It starts and ends with love. That was the big idea in week one. The agape love of God is for us and what we were made for. The importance of quiet time with God, drinking deep from the well of God’s love so that we can love well. Love like this never feels like enough, yet the world is dying for love like this.
Session Two in the Emotionally Healthy Relationships Course has to do with resisting the tendencies BOTH to think we know what other people are thinking AND that other people know what WE’RE thinking. Today we are going to learn tools to help us stop “mind-reading” and clarify expectations. Then we’ll look at how Jesus does it. And finally, I’ll give you some ways you can put some of this stuff into practice. We begin with a reading from Luke 18: 31-43.
Luke 18:31-43
Jesus took the Twelve aside and told them, “We are going up to Jerusalem, and everything that is written by the prophets about the Son of Man will be fulfilled. 32 He will be delivered over to the Gentiles. They will mock him, insult him and spit on him; 33 they will flog him and kill him. On the third day he will rise again.”
34 The disciples did not understand any of this. Its meaning was hidden from them, and they did not know what he was talking about.
35 As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. 36 When he heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. 37 They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.”
38 He called out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
39 Those who led the way rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
40 Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him. When he came near, Jesus asked him, 41 “What do you want me to do for you?”
“Lord, I want to see,” he replied.
42 Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has healed you.” 43 Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God.
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Great Expectations (EHR 2)
Introduction
Hello, and welcome to the Will Preach for Food podcast. I’m Doug, a pastor here at Faith Lutheran Church, based out of Shelton, Washington, a congregation of the ELCA. “Great Expectations” is this week’s podcast title. That “EHR” you see in parens stands for “Emotionally Healthy Relationships.” This Fall Faith Lutheran is leaning into our congregation’s vision and dream to become “closer to and more like Jesus.” Today’s message is the second in an eight-week preaching, devotional, and small group series based on the work of Pete and Geri Scazzero.
You can learn more about Faith and about Emotionally Healthy Relationships at our website, www.faithshelton.org. Thanks for listening today.
It starts and ends with love. That was the big idea in week one. The agape love of God is for us and what we were made for. The importance of quiet time with God, drinking deep from the well of God’s love so that we can love well. Love like this never feels like enough, yet the world is dying for love like this.
Session Two in the Emotionally Healthy Relationships Course has to do with resisting the tendencies BOTH to think we know what other people are thinking AND that other people know what WE’RE thinking. Today we are going to learn tools to help us stop “mind-reading” and clarify expectations. Then we’ll look at how Jesus does it. And finally, I’ll give you some ways you can put some of this stuff into practice. We begin with a reading from Luke 18: 31-43.
Luke 18:31-43
Jesus took the Twelve aside and told them, “We are going up to Jerusalem, and everything that is written by the prophets about the Son of Man will be fulfilled. 32 He will be delivered over to the Gentiles. They will mock him, insult him and spit on him; 33 they will flog him and kill him. On the third day he will rise again.”
34 The disciples did not understand any of this. Its meaning was hidden from them, and they did not know what he was talking about.
35 As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. 36 When he heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. 37 They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.”
38 He called out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
39 Those who led the way rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
40 Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him. When he came near, Jesus asked him, 41 “What do you want me to do for you?”
“Lord, I want to see,” he replied.
42 Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has healed you.” 43 Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God.
Mind-reading
As we look at tools and skills and language for how to love well, how to grow closer to and more like Jesus in our relating with others, today’s lesson is really two side of the same coin. When we try to read minds, we falsely believe that we can actually know what someone else is thinking. When we don’t clarify expectations, we falsely believe that other people can know what WE’RE thinking.
Have you ever had someone come up to you and say to you: “I know just how you feel,” or “I know what you’re thinking…” How annoying that is! Yet it is a pretty common thing that most of us have a tendency to do. Now, we can usually make some generalizations about people. A good friend or nurse or therapist often can read a situation, notice body language, and get a pretty good idea of what is going on, how a person might be feeling, and maybe even anticipate some of what is going through a person’s mind at any given time.
The problem is when we make assumptions about others are thinking or feeling, then respond to them based on those assumptions. That’s “mind-reading,” and this makes the top ten list of sins in the Bible. “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” is the 8th (or 9th) commandment. When we make assumptions about another person, we are literally bearing false witness against them.
Emotionally Healthy Relationships teaches that we need to stop-mind reading. A couple of phrases that are helpful:
1. May I have permission to read your mind? I think that YOU think… Is that correct?
2. I’d like to check something out with you. The story I’m telling myself is that… and I am wondering if I’m reading the situation correctly.
And then there is what the Small Catechism teaches about the 8th Commandment: That we are to fear and love God so that we do not betray, slander, or lie about our neighbors; but defend them, speak well of them, and explain their actions in the kindest way. How many of us were taught to give others “the benefit of the doubt? Stop mind-reading…
Clarify Expectations
…And then clarify expectations. Tell others what you are expecting of them. Ask others to clarify what they are wanting from you. Ask for what you want, we used to teach our kids. Asking for what you want, is not selfish—it is healthy communication. Relating well means getting rid of or exposing hidden agendas.
The million dollar question in this week’s Emotionally Healthy Relationship lesson has to do with whether or not an expectation that you have is valid, and they teach us to ask these four questions
1. Am I aware that I have this expectation? Sometimes we don’t even realize we have a particular hope or agenda.
2. Have I clearly communicated this expectation? Remember, people can’t read YOUR mind, either.
3. Is it a reasonable expectation? Is it feasible, affordable, something that can be accomplished?
4. Is it an agreed upon expectation? You may expect your friend to pick up the check, you may even tell them your expectation, and it may even be within their means to do so, but if they never agreed to pick up the check, then your expectation isn’t valid.
(Now, if they had said they would buy lunch and then don’t, well, go back to the mind-reading part and maybe tell them the story you’re telling yourself right now…).
Show me some mercy
Stop-mind-reading and clarify expectations. If there was ever anyone who actually COULD read minds, it might have been Jesus, you know, that whole Son of God thing… So I think it is significant that in this story about a blind beggar outside of Jericho, Jesus very intentionally does NOT try to read the guy’s mind. The man cries out for Jesus to show him a little mercy. “Son of David” is a title that identifies Jesus as a Messiah, one sent from God to restore Israel and rule justly, just like King David in the good old days.
Jesus stops and asks the man: What do you want me to do for you? The man says to Jesus that he wants to receive his sight. Jesus agrees, the man receives his sight, and there is much rejoicing. Notice how this lines up with the emotionally healthy course.
1. Jesus treats the man with dignity. He talks TO him, and not about him.
2. He doesn’t read his mind. He clarifies expectations.
3. He gives the man his voice.
4. Then he gives the man his sight.
5. And God is glorified.
Jesus even clarifies expectations with his disciples. They are going to Jerusalem, and it’s going to be really hard. He’s going to be handed over to be arrested and killed, because Jesus hadn’t met their expectations of what a proper Son of David messiah should look like. He tells them that in the end he’ll rise from the dead, but that is pretty hard to hear when all you’re thinking about is the flogging and killing part. That’s how it is, right? When we’re anxious, we really can’t listen well to what other people are telling us.
Takeaways
So, what can we take away from today’s lesson?
1. Stop mind reading. Even Jesus doesn’t try it, and we shouldn’t either. Check out the story you’re telling yourself with the person directly. In the meantime, give others the benefit of the doubt.
2. Clarify expectations. Notice if the expectation is unconscious, unspoken, unreasonable, or unagreed upon. Ask for what you want. Invite others to state their expectations, then listen well.
3. When we make love our chief end and goal, we will be a disappointment to others. It might even get us mocked, insulted, spit upon, and killed.
4. There is a lot to be said for giving people their voice, making sure that every voice is given dignity and a platform, like how Jesus honors the blind beggar. How do we make sure we make space for voices around us that are often silenced. That’s what our Orange Banner is about—raising awareness of the needless and tragic deaths of hundreds of indigenous children, whose unmarked graves were recently found at boarding schools across Canada and the United States.
5. And finally, even if you don’t participate in an Emotionally Healthy small group: you are loved. If you never look at an Emotionally Healthy 40-day devotional, or if you don’t manage to spend daily quiet time: you are loved. If you continue to try to read minds and carry around unrealistic expectations of yourself or others (or God): you are loved.
Ephesians 2:4-10
Here is the gospel promise for you, from Ephesians 2:4-10.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.
8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Conclusion
Thanks for listening, folks. EHR resources, small group schedules and sign-ups are at Faith and at our website, www.faithshelton.org. Keep listening to this podcast for more in this Emotionally Healthy Relationships series. It is available on most podcast platforms, including Spotify, Apple, and Google. Preview the EHR videos on our YouTube channel. While you are there, like us, subscribe, donate, or sign-up for our newsletter. Thank you, Chas and Nadia, for your production and tech support for this podcast.
All glory…