Hello, welcome to the Will Preach for Food podcast. I’m Doug, a pastor here at Faith Lutheran Church, based out of Shelton, Washington, a congregation of the ELCA. I took the summer off from recording this podcast, but it feels good to be back. Thank you so much for tuning in. You can learn more about Faith at our website, www.faithshelton.org. I am recording this for the 16th Sunday after Pentecost, September 17, 2023.
Today we’re going to talk about marriage and divorce, reading from the gospel of Matthew, chapter 19, beginning with the first verse. Here Jesus tells us a little bit about how to relate well as humans, but also points us to the love of God who created us just as we are. God who is both Husband and Helper, Lover and Beloved. Let’s get started by reading Matthew 19:1-12. After a few notes about what the text is saying, we will dig into the Living Word, and what it means for us today. And I’ll leave you with a few takeaways for the week ahead. Ready? Let’s listen.
Matthew 19:1-12
When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
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The Living Word (Matthew 19)
Introduction
Hello, welcome to the Will Preach for Food podcast. I’m Doug, a pastor here at Faith Lutheran Church, based out of Shelton, Washington, a congregation of the ELCA. I took the summer off from recording this podcast, but it feels good to be back. Thank you so much for tuning in. You can learn more about Faith at our website, www.faithshelton.org. I am recording this for the 16th Sunday after Pentecost, September 17, 2023.
Today we’re going to talk about marriage and divorce, reading from the gospel of Matthew, chapter 19, beginning with the first verse. Here Jesus tells us a little bit about how to relate well as humans, but also points us to the love of God who created us just as we are. God who is both Husband and Helper, Lover and Beloved. Let’s get started by reading Matthew 19:1-12. After a few notes about what the text is saying, we will dig into the Living Word, and what it means for us today. And I’ll leave you with a few takeaways for the week ahead. Ready? Let’s listen.
Matthew 19:1-12
When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
Disingenuous Inquiry
At the end of an exhausting day of healing large crowds, some Pharisees—religious leaders who opposed Jesus—approach Jesus with a gotcha question: “According to the Bible, does a man need a good reason to divorce his wife and send her away?” (So many things wrong with this question!)
Jesus responds, not directly to the question of when divorce is justified, but to the more fundamental question of the nature of human existence. “Haven’t you read that from the beginning the Creator made them both male AND female?” Women are created in God’s image, too. Women are not property. Women are not derivative of men. Women are not lower than men on the totem pole.
Therefore, marriage is relational, not transactional. Marriage happens between two people who BOTH bear the image of God, and the result of this union is nothing less than the uniting, merging of the two into one flesh. The relationship is something precious, spiritual, profound, sacred. In fact, the capacity for such a profound unity, such deep intimacy and bonding, is at the heart of what it means to be created in God’s image!
To treat a wife as a commodity, property, something to be used and then tossed aside is a nonstarter. What God has joined together, let no man separate, Jesus says.
“But then why does the Bible say that a man can give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” they ask.
Because of your hardness of heart, Jesus says. Sklarokardio—a heart that is dried up, cold, stiff, unable to thrive or perform its function. Divorce is a concession to human weakness and sin. Stop trying to make divorce into something that it is not, something that is no big deal, or into something that men can use to keep women under their thumbs.
Divorce is not a sign of power, but a sign of weakness. Stop trying to “justify” divorce. Call it what it is, Jesus says. It is almost always a result of or form of sin. Adultery. A broken relationship. Sometimes divorce is the least bad option in a bad situation. But don’t pretend it is something it is not. Divorce is loss, sin, adultery, the result of a hardened heart.
Let me just pause here to say that we all have “sin issues” here today, right? All of us sin, and all of us fall short of God’s commands. We sin against God and one another in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved God. We have not loved our neighbors. We have not loved ourselves. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves…but if we confess our sins…God forgives our sins. We are, each one of us, saved solely by the grace of God. A healthy marriage doesn’t save me. A divorce doesn’t condemn me. The point here is that the cure for a broken relationship is not blame or denial, but confession and the power of the Holy Spirit to heal and to make all things new. Amen?
Marriage vs Being Single
The disciples are listening to all of this, and, since most of them were single guys in their late teens, they are freaked out about the whole marriage thing. “If that is how marriage is, then I think I’d rather live my life as a confirmed bachelor!” Which is a rather un-Jewish thing to say. Marriage and having children was considered the expected way to do things. Civic and religious duty to maintain the society and populate the nation.
Jesus acknowledges that marriage isn’t for everyone, but singleness isn’t for everyone either. Everyone is wired a little differently. And THEN Jesus makes everyone uncomfortable by bringing up the topic of eunuchs—unicoi—folks we would now maybe refer to as gender non-conforming. They might even get themselves a letter in the whole LGBTQ+ thing. Eunuch was the term for anyone whose private parts were divergent, missing, removed, or altered—by birth, by surgery, by choice, or by compulsion. Men, women, married, divorced, single, eunuch: God creates them all. Let the one who can receive this word receive it.
By the way, the word here for “receive” or “accept” has to do with being open to, creating space for, even “welcoming.” And Jesus is very intentional about his wording here. The Pharisees have hard, dry, closed hearts. Jesus appeals here to people with open, living, expandable hearts. After all, God’s word is not dead, but living and active. God’s word is dialog, not doctrine. God’s word is provocative, not mere proposition…
Marriage Feast
I think we are missing the main point if we read this passage to devise or discern a doctrine of marriage or divorce. That is making God’s word a dead word. Once we think we have it figured out, we stop listening. But when we WELCOME God’s word, delighting simply to hear God speak to us, then all sorts of new things can open up for us. What if, for instance, we read what the Bible says about marriage and divorce, not as primarily about human relationships, but as about how God relates to us: as both HUSBAND and HELPER. Lover and Beloved.
From the beginning, God is always pursuing a love relationship with the human family that is real and personal. The entire book of the prophet Hosea portrays God as the faithful husband, Israel as an unfaithful wife. Yet God will not forsake his beloved people, but rather, God “woos” her. “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness an speak tenderly to her,” it says in Hosea 2. “I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.”
In the New Testament, this is a metaphor to describe Christ’s relationship to the Church. Jesus is the Bridegroom, the Church is the Bride dressed in white, heaven is the marriage feast that has no end. When Paul talks about how husbands and wives are to love and respect each other, he calls marriage “a profound mystery,” and that he’s really talking about Christ and the Church here.
And then you listen a little longer, and you notice that in Genesis, God observes that it is not good for a person to be alone, and pledges to provide Adam—humanity—with a Helper. And then, nearly every time the term “helper” is used in the Old Testament, it refers not to a person, but to none other than Yahweh God.
And in the New Testament, Jesus pledges to provide the Church with a Helper—Paraclete, Advocate—the Holy Spirit. The story of Pentecost is the promise of God’s Spirit in the world would no longer be symbolized by an earthly Temple, but by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in and among God’s people, the Church. The Risen Christ who is with us always, to the end of time, whenever two or more are gathered in His name. The promise of Baptism that you are God’s beloved, chosen one.
Divorce was a concession to human weakness, but God doesn’t need divorce. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. God’s mercies never come to an end. God is faithful, and will never abandon or forsake you. God will never divorce you and send you away, even for a good reason. Because nothing in all creation can separate us from the love of God.
God is our Husband and Helper. God is our Lover and our Beloved. Human marriage is a pale but poignant foretaste, glimpse, of the unity, the oneness that God desires with us, that Jesus prays for when he prays that we may be one, as he and the Father and the Spirit are one. A profound mystery, the living word, the gospel of the Lord. Amen.
What This Means
Let me offer three or four basic takeaways for the coming week.
First, the image of a hard heart versus a living heart. Fist clenched? Or hands ready to receive? This is the distinction between a dead word and the Living Word of God. Lutherans are always skeptical when someone—pope or preacher—claims to have the one, inerrant, infallible interpretation of God’s word. That’s a dead word. Not the living one. God’s word is given for us to listen to, learn from, and fall in love with the God who loves us.
Marriage is a good thing, but it is not the only thing. Hopefully Faith is a community to foster and teach emotionally healthy relationships—wife and husband, children and parents. Divorce happens, but does not define us or condemn us. Hopefully Faith is a community that welcomes and encourages those whose relationships have been strained or broken. A community where we can do the work, land on our feet, and find the courage to love again.The Church is the family of God, because it is not good for a person to be alone. We are Christ for each other, after all. Each of us is here by the Grace of God alone, and so we extend that same grace to others. Let our welcome be more than a grace period, but rather one of grace, period.
Consider this week God as your Lover and your Beloved. Both Husband and Helper. You are God’s beloved: Single, married, divorced, eunuch—you are Beloved, one for whom Christ gave his all. God loves you. Receive God’s love. Bask in it. Delight in God’s love.
And allow God’s love to be enough. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I can or should do for God, sometimes I get overwhelmed or ashamed of what I’m NOT doing, what I’m NOT producing for God—a cleaner planet, a growing church, a kinder community—that I lose sight of God’s desire simply to enjoy my company, and for me to enjoy God’s presents and presence.
There is an exchange in 1 Samuel 1 between a woman named Hannah and her husband, Elkannah. Every year she prays to God for a son, but for years she has remained barren. Her husband just loves HER, not what she can give him. One day he says to her: “Am I not more to you than ten sons?”
Today, I hear God say these words to me, and I pray that you might hear God speak them to you. Beloved one, God says, “Am I not to you more than ten sons?” Yes, O God. Your grace is sufficient. Your presence is all I need. Give me the faith to welcome your living word into my heart, this day and always. Amen.
Conclusion
Thanks for listening today. To learn more about the gospel or about getting connected to Faith, go to our website, www.faithshelton.org. Please “like” us, subscribe, donate, or sign-up for our newsletter. You can subscribe to this podcast on most podcast platforms, including Spotify, Apple, and Google. Chas, thanks for your production work on this podcast every week. May God bless you…